Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
