I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
