Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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