This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize