I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
