hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
