belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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