a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
