He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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