now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
