I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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