Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
