you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
