she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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