Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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