Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
BRING THE BAGELS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
