sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
