that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize