My balls are so social today.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
