apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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