i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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