I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
