Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
