ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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