Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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