The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
