But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
