Princesses don't give blow jobs
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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