She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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