I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my poor anus
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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