we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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