just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
