My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You can't motorboat a personality
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
