Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
