Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
