K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just cropdusted the office
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
