and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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