remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i think my cat just said my name.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
