1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
