Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
