I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
