if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
