She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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