how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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