go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
