Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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