'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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