I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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