i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
