Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
