i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
