Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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