I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
