insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
