So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
