awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
