the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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