hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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