omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize