thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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