Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize