Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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