I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
