I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
