I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
