I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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