I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
